I'd wear matching sweaters with you
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize