soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
