Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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