my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
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