Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
