idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You pole danced in your parka.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
