She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
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