a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
how drunk are you?
Several
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
