i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
