Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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