i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I just gargled with NyQuil
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
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