I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
