I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
