Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize
