I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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