Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
