Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
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