I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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