she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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