All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Never joke about your clitoris.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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