you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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