hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
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