Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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