new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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