I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
