I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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