i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
