I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
