K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
