paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
