We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
last night I used snow as a chaser
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