i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
