I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
