Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
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