He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
