Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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