I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
