I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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