I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
