So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
