but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
