Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
