So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
