i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Actions speak louder than pants.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
