I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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