You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
