Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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