She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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