____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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