I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
