this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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