Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
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The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
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Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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