I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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