dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
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I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
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He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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