When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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