girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
