and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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