You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
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