the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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