I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
