She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
