I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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