Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
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