I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
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