he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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