East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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